hi everyone, bea's back. also bea's back, hurts.
coming back from my vacation, i was surprised that my fucked up knee never bothered me despite the walking and the standing literally nonstop for 12 hours a day 3 days straight. i consider this a victory over my body. eat shit, body! it has been reduced to threat level "wait and see (long-term)".
"wow, what a great trip" i thought to myself getting off the plane. then i came home and sat down for 1 second and my hips exploded into a million pieces.
holy shit!! my joints felt like they were being used to grind glass. for literally a week and a half, my walking speed was reduced to "newborn calf wobble". i tried not to move as much as i could, but even sitting left my sides so sore i couldn't sleep well.
and if that weren't enough: immediately after my hips fused back together, my ass bones exploded. you would think the ass bones would be a part of the hips or the tail bone but its actually it's own thing (source: me) and it made sitting (a pretty significant part of my sluggish existence) near impossible. since standing hurts my poor widdle knees, i was a little fucked when it came to getting work done.
so, i would push it off until the last possible moment, resulting in occasionally late pages (sincerely sorry about those) and all-nighters that kept me up until my 9am deadline (which i actually love but i know they're shaving years off my lifespan. i like the pressure!!). in the end, i had to sit on like 2 pillows of varying firmness like a really shitty fairy tale princess. i am protected from sciatica based damage.
at first, i felt kind of (okay, really) ridiculous about my complete lack of pain tolerance, but realized that i have been in pain for a long time. it was just never this bad; it took the form of restless tossing and turning while trying to sleep, or not being able to run at all, or having some limpy days. days when you just limp. this was just normal to me. i dont know. i just assumed this was the hand i was dealt and that was that. some people were limpers and had shitty legs. i guess that's still true. this isn't the place for this.
the good news is that it seems like it can be reversed with p.t. (which i am doing nightly oof ow my bones). i will make a longer post proper on the blog. this is already too long.
all this to say: thank you very much for your continued support in spite of my inability to fulfill many promises and rewards i have been trying to achieve for a long time. i really believe this will get better and i am taking the steps to better my output again.
final thought: what if finally being to sleep well cures all of my problems. hahah just kidding.........unless?